I suppose this is it – the hard part I was worried about. The part where it’s ten o’clock at night and my best friend is gone and I’m alone. And this is the part where I don’t text my ex hunnies because I’m lonely, and I don’t round up friends to go party, and I don’t head to a bar alone for some shallow company. I suppose this is the part where I suck it up and I sit in my loneliness.

Because I am so blessed and have the most amazing friends. And I still don’t know what I did to deserve Ken – even if it was just for a few months. But now I need to be kind to myself. Love on myself.

Ken showed me I can be treated really well. I fought him on it. It made me so uncomfortable. But ultimately I became so much better for it. And I’m ready to continue to treat myself the way he treated me and maybe attract a few more wonderfuls like him into my life. Maybe even a romantic wonderful.

I’m watching Tangled with the munchkins I babysit, and I’m at the part where she thinks Flynn has left her for the crown. I hafta say, if I was in her shoes, after having a taste of love I could never go back to my tower. Life is so messy but it’s all the pieces that make it wonderful. Even when life doesn’t go the way I particularly want it to – it’s still good. Im sad Ken’s gone and I’m a little lonely… But it’s because I was so lucky to have had him as a friend that I’m able to feel his absence.

I know I live a blessed life. And I’m grateful I’m not the one in control of everything. It feels good to surrender to God and just live and love and suffer and enjoy.

Thankful.