I’ve made a little cheat sheet to help my friends and fam. This will help you 1. Discern what type of drinking mood I’m in 2. Help you control the night … And for my honey 3. Help you get a little sumptin sumptin should you be in the mood.
1. Red Wine – vino de roja is as good as a melatonin. Except instead of vivid dreams I’ll sleep like a corpse.
2. White Wine – completely different effect. White wine, in addition to inducing a headache the next morning, induces a good time (if you catch my drift).
3. Rum and Diet – my go to. I won’t fall asleep, I won’t take off all my clothes, I won’t text people I shouldn’t, and I won’t spill the worst of my secrets. Rum and diet is my best friend.
4. Tequila – the problem with rum and diet is that it’s a gateway drug to tequila. Tequila will do all the aforementioned things that rum doesn’t. Tequila is never a good idea.
5. Jaeger – tequila’s nomad cousin. Jaeger is very similar to tequila. The only difference is it’s unpredictable. Someone always wants to do tequila, but jaeger is like that friend of a friend who travels the world and shows up completely unannounced. And you’re kind of stoked. But then it’ll go one of two ways – too much jaeger and the impending death of your night/ or you remember how disgusting it is and you do one shot and you’re done. Although sometimes after one jäger shot you then switch to tequila shots, in which case you’re back where you started.
6. Whiskey – if I’m doing whiskey I’m probably blacked out because I’m allergic to whiskey.
7. Fireball – the only exception to the whiskey rule. For some sick reason I love Fireball.
8. Moscow Mule/Pim’s Punch- these are my favorite drinks in the world. This is also my way of pacing myself because they cost 10x more than any other drink and are painful to sign the tab for.
9. Mojito – holy moly do I love mojitos; however I’ve really only ever had one good mojito and it was at the Ritz Carlton. It blew my mind and I’ve never had anything better than that drink. It was the holy grail of alcoholic beverages.
10. Margaritas – okay this is the part where I reveal what a bad human I am: I don’t really like margaritas. I think they’re really fun. But they taste weird to me, even when there laced with diabetes via strawberry syrup.
11. Kalua / Bailey’s – the day I found out I could mix alcohol with coffee was the day I realized I really could have it all. Iced coffee + kalua or bailey’s (or both) + shot of Bacardi = the perfect start to a night or the perfect night extender.