Ever since I was in middle school and started acquiring boyfriends my mother would tease me and say “Your generation I swear. You guys just jump in head first. There’s very little dating around to see what you like.”
Well, at this point, I’m realizing that all my relationships have taught me certain important things. And if anything, it’s because I jumped in head first, that I learned my lessons in ways I will never forget:
1. Don’t date anyone with a substance abuse problem. The substance will win every time.
2. If there are potential suitors you feel like your missing out on – you’re probably not ready to settle down yet.
3. If they make you feel abnormally crazy – there’s a reason. Don’t walk… Run away! You don’t want to be ashamed of your actions later.
4. If you enjoy hanging out with your guy friends more than your lover … Take that as a red flag he’s not the one.
5. If simple things are ridiculously harder than they need to be – texting, talking, arranging times to hang out – one or both of you isn’t ready for this relationship.
6. If the dude talks about his ex girlfriends a lot – there might be a problem. Keep an eye on this.
7. If said ex girlfriend makes a fake Facebook page of you and sends herself fake threatening messages – once again run far, far away.
8. If you can only hang out when booze is involved there might be a problem.
9. If he gets cranky when he’s sober – again this might be a problem.
10. If they cry within the first 3 months – this is most likely a problem. Especially if they’re drunk.
11. If you look in the mirror and feel yourself aging substantially through this relationship, move on.
12. If you stop doing the things you love because you’d rather do nothing with your new lover – this is a bad sign. You should do fun things together.
13. If you discover that you’ve broken up and you all of a sudden enjoy music again – stay broken up.
14. If you only feel like saying “I love you” when your drunk or they’re inside you… Keep it to yourself
15. If you find yourself saying phrases like “I don’t know what to do.” “I’m in over my head.” “I feel so sad.” – then he’s probably not a winner.
15. If you discover that the two of you are not happy drinkers together, there’s probably something in your subconscious that wants you to end this ASAP.
16. If he’s an asshole when you fight – just think how much that will grow exponentially if you ever divorce.
17. If he never wants to have sex – run
18. Also, if you only ever want to have sex and then leave – probably not good either. You might just be in it for dick size.
19. If you discover that you can never hang out when it’s just the two of you, then it’s probably not someone you want to marry and have babies with
20. Guys aren’t easy. They’re immature. They don’t know what the heck women want. They need coddling and nagging. And then they get pissed when we coddle and nag. So mostly, my bit of advice to myself is – if it’s hard and not fun, then it’s time to peace out. Even if the break up is hard and painful, you’ll probably feel 100% better once it’s done. No one likes to give up on people, no one likes to waste their time, and it’s hard to admit a relationship is failing when you like the person you’re dating. But in the end, you alone are the most important thing and it’s important to preserve this.
Also, if the break up did suck and it’s not your proudest moment… Dgaf. Move on. This was the universe forcing you out of a bad situation when you ignored all the little flags.
Categories: Lists, Men, Musings & Epiphanies, Open Letter
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