Well so, it’s only natural, considering the fact that my last blog post was encouraging and upbeat, that my next post be completely inappropriate.
Guys, I’ve been single and virtuous (latter of terms used lightly) for almost a year now (with only one blip). This has lead to some epiphanies. Obviously. Epiphanies are all I have these days.
And here’s what I’ve learned:
- Okay so not having sex tends to create a build up. Which makes sense being that you’re missing the… release (for lack of a better word). But apparently the build up is palpable… to others! Which I wasn’t expecting. Which is odd considering how many times I’ve thought to myself, “Man that person needs to get laid.”
- I will never again say, “Man that person needs to get laid.” Bad karma.
- Romeo and Juliet Syndrome isn’t so much of a thing as I thought it would be.
- Actually, once you drop sexy-time from your radar, it stops being such a deity. An end-all, be-all. Which is (ironically) satisfying in and of itself.
- Turns out, there are much more important things than doing the deed. (Who knew?)
- Unfortunately when you aren’t doing the dirty-dirty, modern music looses is intrigue. I find myself listening to the oddest indie songs when I run now.
- The first four months are hell.
- But then it gets easy. Meh. Easy-ish.
- You also have a lot more time. And lot less laundry.
- You will accomplish goals you once thought were pipe dreams.
- You’ll also have a lot more of yourself – I think we convince ourselves that we “receive” when we do the deed, but I’ve realized that we give a lot of ourselves over. When we stop giving pieces of ourselves to another human, you tend to find those pieces still lingering in yourself. Which is both nice and a little unsettling. (I need to meditate more. Escape myself.)
So here’s the thing – I embarked upon my year of singleness solo dolo. (Which means I’ve honed my skills as a third wheel in case you’re looking for one). And now, as a few of my girls embark upon their own year of singleness in the pursuit of growth, I commend them. But I think mine might be.. almost.. over. (Whispered so as not to jinx it as I don’t have a who yet. Just an inkling.)
The year of singleness -it’s doable. It’s the EatPrayLove you don’t have to leave the country for. Use your extra time for more endeavors. Figure out your values, separate from others. Hoard your values, hoard your time. Hoard your bod.
There are other faucets to this journey that are personal so I can’t predict them, but I can tell you, when I made this promise to myself my intention wasn’t celibacy. I was in a weird place in which I’d just dated these guys, with a smidgen of overlap, and I felt like a crap woman. The male species was telling me I was worthwhile, but I didn’t feel that way.
So I figured the only thing to do would be to swear off men, develop apart from a significant other. As it turned out, this included separating from the physical as much as the emotional – two things I considered very separate from one another up until this point.
Obviously, as soon as I made the pledge, I was immediately thrown a boatload of really great guys. Incompatible, but wonderful guys. And other than my pledge, there was nothing to hold me back – young, single, and accordingly to Lena Dunham, I can do whatever I want with my body. But I just didn’t want to. I’d made this promise to keep myself for myself.
Here’s the kicker: The Universe/My lovely God Who’s sense of humor rivals my own, wasn’t, in fact, testing me. He was proving to me that I am not, in fact, a crap woman. I do, in fact, have self-control. And I can achieve goals I set for myself. Even really hard ones (no pun intended).
Life is weird. God is good. Things are messy. And isn’t it grand?
But if you’re setting your intentions and in pursuit of your own period of singleness – physically or emotionally – just do it. Follow your gut instinct.
It was probably one of the best things I did. I am so full of joy, in an unwavering way. I look in the mirror, see my accomplishments, and think – Man you’re actually shaping up to be a good woman. You’re doing cool things I never thought you could do. And you’re managing to love on people in unconditional ways I thought your selfish heart couldn’t handle. You have a strength I never saw before. You are actually pretty rad and I’m happy to be living inside of you. Also you’ve been skipping on pizza lately and your ass is shaping up nicely; keep that up.
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