I have absolutely zero control. Over anything. This is supposed to bring me comfort. The idea being that I can relinquish my white knuckling, my planning; I can step back and enjoy. In fact, the really good news is that things will turn out 300x better the way God’s planned them, than how I’ve planned them if I can just stop, pray, and then obey.
This is supposed to bring me comfort, and yet… it doesn’t 90% of the time. I.e. those 90/100 times when things don’t go as I desired.
I can’t help it. I’m Type A. My months are planned minute by minute, 30 days in advance. Always trying to cram as much as I can into one 24 hour period. While still allotting enough time in between appointments for things to go wrong.
I have my business goals, my personal goals. My athletic endeavors. My alone time. My family time/often combined with laundry time. Leaving enough time to help all my loved ones with any creative they need – an extra blog, a logo, a branding, a photo edit.
Sometimes I can even find time to shower or sleep.
I’m clearly making plans and God is laughing. Good natured-ly. Mostly likely He’s emitting a kind of throaty chuckle; the type wise adults utter when a small child is under the impression that they can eat a hand full of glitter-glue.
This year’s Guatemala Mission Trip Theme was: Obedience.
How appropriate, then, that my first week back in the real word was centered on the premise that my plotting and surmising doesn’t always work. (To the extent that the truck I was waiting for ALL DAY, was .3 miles away from my office when it got stuck in a ditch for a good 4 hours. Rendering it just barely too far away.)
And thus, solidifying the idea that I need to be more loyal to God’s plans than to my own. It all worked out, obviously, and today’s anxiety accomplished nothing.
It was a really good week. But it’s finally #Friyay and I’m exhausted. Is 5:30PM too early to go to bed? It’s dark outside. That should mean something. Maybe tomorrow I’ll be better with obedience. I’ll keep ya posted.
(P.S. Have you ever looked up “Pray&Obey” on Tumblr? Dirty..so dirty. *Shudders*)