On Sunday morning, Laura let me know that she wouldn’t be coming to church that night, so I’d have to put on my big girl pants and fly solo.

Except I really didn’t want to. It was my Sunday.

I stubornly decided that  I was going to show up late and sneak in the back; that way I wouldn’t have to make conversation with anyone outside of my comfort zone.

I go every Sunday for myself. I go to ground my soul before a hectic week. To reset.

If I’m being super honest I’d own up to the fact that new things and new people secretly give me massive anxiety.

Dan makes fun of me because she says that for the past two years she had no idea but now it all makes sense.
I’ve built up this life for myself in which I rarely have to exit my comfort zone, albeit for work. Which is totally fine because my tolerance has built up at the point in which I need to network or entertain.

 I always  go to the same spin studio on Abbot Kinney, the same masseuse in Aliso Viejo, the same restaurants, the same bars. I don’t like Classpass or Groupon. If I don’t know the route I’m going to take, how long it’ll take me, and where I’m going to park, I’ll inevitably leave an hour earlier than necessary… just in case.

The ironic thing is that when I got to church on Sunday, I ran into a bunch of individuals whom I really adore and sincerely wanted to catch up with. I wanted to take the time to ask questions and find out more than social media revealed. But by my own doing I came late and didn’t have that luxury.

The cherry on top was Pastor Doyle’s message – it simple and even more ironic: come to church to delight in God, and God alone.

If I’m being honest – I’ve been coming to delight in myself. To feed my ego as a Godly woman. To rejoice in all the glory He’s brought me; I’m fully aware how blessed I am and I come to thank God for that.

I don’t come to delight in all that He is, for His sake alone.

And to do so would mean to delight in His creation just as I delight in Him.

There’s an article written about bullying in our elementary schools, but I think it applies to those over the age of 10 as well. We, as humans, tend to take on this mentality of wanting to be with other likeminded folks. We like people who have families like ours, educations like ours, experiences like ours; and we often lack patience for those individuals who face different  challenges than our own.

But if we’re  true millennials, and we do in fact want to be special, we should be thanking God we are all so different. Ya feel me.

All in all, this is what I’m working towards. Removing my spikes…

Removing my weird metaphorical hula hoop skirt…

And who the heck knows what will come out of it. I’ll keep ya posted. Hopefully I obtain that Christian Glow.

I’m a huge believer in the Christian Glow, that true sign you’ve made it . My Dad says this glow is caused by the fact that Christians have no fear of death and can live carefree. Which is probably a teensy bit true. But I believe, and perhaps Pastor Doyle would back me up on this, the tangible glow is also in part because true Christians look at all of God’s creation with a palpable love.

Michelle, Bentley & Azure have this glow. Tyler & Laura have this glow. Matt & Bailey have this glow. Some have such a strong glow I can feel it long distance, across social media (ahem Ashley Seeger I’m takin’ bout you).

All of these aforementioned people have extended extensive hospitality and open arms to me at some point, to the extent where they made a lasting affect. I use them as my guide, and as I embark upon this new journey of unearned graciousness, attempted patience, and unrequited love, I’ll use them as my example. 

If I’m successful, at the very least hopefully I’ll stop throwing expletives at strangers who drive below (or at) the speed limit.

Good Lord. Pray for me. Graciousness and patience are not my virtues. Strong willed and opinionated? Yup. Assertive and a fighter? Oh yeah. But patience and graciousness.. at once.. Good Lord Almighty.